My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
