Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
