I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I bet he comes in French.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
