just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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