Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
