Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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