guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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