oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
