Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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