i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
