"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
sarcasm needs its own font
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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