so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
