I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
