Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
