Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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