those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
