literally had 100 drinks last night.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
