i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
