Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
