The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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