His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
