Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
