i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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