The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
