went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i barfeds in our rink
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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