the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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