my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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