Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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