forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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