My friends, they love my intelligence
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
