Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm getting married
To pizza
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
