I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
