if only i could text you this smell
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
