he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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