i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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