i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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