Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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