My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
