oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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