We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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