I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
