Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
