You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
