My boss' voice literally gives me gas
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
These tits shall not be calmed
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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