Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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