Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Randomize
