that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
