we have pet lesbian snakes
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
