I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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