sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My bed smells like the plague
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
