i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
