fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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