i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
