You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
